Words Matter: How Language Shapes the Self-Esteem of Children with ADHD

We’ve all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
The truth is, words can both hurt and heal. For children with ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), the language we use can have a lasting impact on how they see themselves and how others treat them.

Why Words Matter in ADHD

The way ADHD is traditionally described often centres on what a child lacks—impulsivity, inattention, or hyperactivity.
While these are genuine traits of the condition, constant focus on “deficits” can erode a child’s self-esteem and reinforce the belief that they’re broken, lazy, or stupid.

This is where neuroaffirmative language comes in. It recognises ADHD as a different—not deficient—way of thinking. By shifting how we speak, we help children feel capable, valued, and understood.

From Negative Labels to Affirming Language

The goal isn’t to ignore challenges—it’s to balance them with recognition of strengths. Every trait can be seen from more than one angle. Here are a few examples:

• Instead of “He’s always distracted,” try “He notices everything happening around him.”

• Instead of “She can never sit still,” say “She has so much positive energy.”

• Instead of “He’s impulsive,” try “He’s spontaneous and full of ideas.”

• Instead of “She’s away with the fairies,” say “She’s creative and imaginative.”

These small changes communicate respect, empathy, and belief in a child’s potential. Language shapes identity—how children talk to themselves tomorrow often starts with how we speak to them today.

Why Affirmative Language Matters

Children with ADHD often receive more corrective feedback than praise—at school, at home, and in social settings.
If most of what they hear focuses on what they’re doing wrong, they may internalise the message that they are wrong.

By shifting to more positive, balanced language, we help them build resilience, confidence, and self-worth—qualities that support emotional well-being far beyond childhood.

5 Tips for Parents to Use More Affirming Language

1. Pause before you label.
   Ask yourself whether the word you’re about to use will build your child up or bring them down.

2. Spot the strength in the struggle.
   Constant movement might mean your child has energy for sports, art, or play—focus on what that energy can do.

3. Describe, don’t judge.
   Saying “You’re bouncing in your chair” invites awareness. Saying “Why can’t you sit still?” creates shame.

4. Celebrate effort, not just results.
   Recognise curiosity, persistence, and creativity—even when things don’t go perfectly.

5. Model self-kindness.
   Use gentle, affirming language about yourself so your child learns to do the same.

Building a Stronger Sense of Self

Language isn’t just about communication—it’s about identity.
By choosing words that affirm, encourage, and highlight strengths, we send an essential message to children with ADHD:

You are capable. You are valued. You are loved—exactly as you are.

Note

The content in this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment.